Confidence Isn’t Loud—It’s Rooted

You’ve seen her in the room. She doesn’t talk the most. She doesn’t need to assert her status or lead with her credentials. She doesn’t interrupt or rush to prove her expertise.

But when she speaks, people lean in. There’s no noise. Just certainty. She’s not performing confidence. She’s embodying it.

That’s the kind of presence so many executive women are quietly craving—not to be louder, but to feel rooted in who they are and how they show up.

And yet, what I hear in coaching session after coaching session is a version of this confession: “People think I’m confident. But most of the time, I’m just holding it together.”

Confidence, for high-performing women, often becomes a mask. We learn how to manage perception, how to communicate conviction, how to execute under pressure. But the inner narrative? The one running in the background? It still whispers: Don’t mess this up. They’ll figure you out. You’re not quite enough.

This dissonance creates tension—not just emotionally, but physically. You walk into a room with your shoulders squared and your head held high, while internally bracing for the moment someone will challenge your value.

Rooted confidence doesn’t come from pushing those thoughts away. It comes from befriending them—and then choosing not to believe them.

One of my clients, a powerhouse in her industry, told me her greatest fear wasn’t failure—it was being exposed as not “really” confident. She said, “If they knew how hard I work to keep it together, they’d never see me the same.”

We unpacked that over weeks. What we found was that she wasn’t lacking confidence—she just hadn’t defined it on her own terms. She thought confidence was the absence of doubt. But real confidence is knowing doubt will show up, and deciding to lead anyway.

We reframed her inner critic from a saboteur to a signal. Instead of trying to silence it, she learned to pause and say, “Thanks for your opinion, but I’ve got this.” Over time, her tone changed. Her body language softened. She stopped managing impressions and started leading from truth.

Rooted confidence isn’t about volume. It’s about integrity—when your internal story aligns with your external presence.

And here’s what happens when women lead from that place:

• They stop over-explaining.

• They hold boundaries with more grace and less guilt.

• They become more curious, because they no longer need to be right.

• They trust themselves, even when the outcome isn’t guaranteed.

Confidence doesn’t need to be performed. It just needs to be practiced—and protected.

So how do you cultivate it?

First, get honest about the narratives playing in your head. Don’t judge them—listen to them. Where did they come from? Whose voice are you still carrying? What are they trying to protect you from?

Then, begin rewriting.

• When the critic says, “You’re not ready,” answer with, “I’m learning—and I’ve done harder things.”

• When it says, “You don’t belong here,” say, “That may be fear speaking. But I’m still here. Still choosing to stay.”

• When it says, “You’re too much,” say, “Good. I’d rather be too much than not enough for the wrong room.”

Confidence grows when you honor your evolution, not just your execution.

It deepens when you celebrate your progress, not just your perfection.

And it roots when you start trusting yourself not just to perform, but to be—to lead, to listen, to learn, and to grow in public.

If you’ve been faking confidence because you thought that’s what leadership required, I’m here to offer you a different path.

A path that starts with truth. That honors nuance. That gives you room to be both brilliant and human.

You don’t need to get louder.

You just need to come home to yourself.