You Are NOT the problem, Your ARE the Answer

There’s a silent voice inside many high-achieving women I coach. A whisper that says: “I’m not ready,” “I don’t know enough,” “Someone else could do this better.” It’s often masked by a polished exterior—degrees, promotions, accolades. But it’s there, quietly chipping away at confidence and clarity. And if we don’t name it, it runs the show.

That voice? It’s not your truth. It’s a habit.

A habit built over decades of external validation, perfectionism, people-pleasing, and trying to prove your worth in spaces that didn’t always welcome your voice. For many of us, that voice became the inner narrator: pushing us, questioning us, sometimes even protecting us. But now, it’s holding us back.

Let me be blunt: self-criticism will never produce the kind of leadership you’re capable of.

In fact, it often sabotages the very thing you’re working for. It makes you shrink in rooms where you should be leading. It convinces you to overdeliver when you’re already exceeding expectations. And perhaps worst of all—it robs you of joy.

When I work with clients like Nathalie—brilliant, experienced, and still unsure if she’s “good enough” for that stretch role—the real work isn’t about building more skills. It’s about breaking the cycle of self-doubt. Because underneath the polished to-do lists and back-to-back Zoom calls is a deeper truth: she’s exhausted from performing, proving, and second-guessing. And that exhaustion isn’t from lack of capacity—it’s from lack of self-compassion.

So we slow it down. We name the voice. We notice when it shows up. We challenge its assumptions. And then—we rewrite the script.

Not with fake affirmations or forced positivity. But with evidence. With clarity. With truth.

We name the moments she’s led with impact. The boundaries she’s set. The challenges she’s overcome. And we let those become her new baseline.

Here’s what happens when we do that: women stop asking for permission. They stop tolerating spaces that diminish them. They start owning their brilliance—and asking for what they need. And it changes everything.

Suddenly, the hesitation to negotiate for that raise? Gone.

The reluctance to speak up in the boardroom? Replaced with calm, grounded presence.

The constant need to do more to feel enough? Dissolved into intentional, values-driven action.

Because when you lead from self-compassion, you’re no longer driven by fear—you’re guided by purpose.

Let me be clear: this is not about lowering the bar or letting yourself off the hook. This is about replacing the inner drill sergeant with a wiser, more empowering voice. One that says:

• “I’ve got this.”

• “I deserve this.”

• “I am already enough.”

That’s not arrogance. That’s ownership.

And here’s the thing—self-compassion is not just for your emotional wellbeing. It’s a career strategy. Women who practice it are more likely to advocate for themselves, take risks, and recover from setbacks. It leads to better decision-making, stronger leadership, and more sustainable success.

But I get it—it’s hard. Especially if you were taught that kindness to yourself is indulgent. That humility means shrinking. That value has to be earned, over and over again. This mindset is so deeply ingrained that even when we know it’s hurting us, we struggle to let go of it.

That’s why this shift is more than mindset work. It’s identity work. It’s about choosing to believe that who you are is not a problem to fix, but a story to honor.

One of my clients had built a wildly successful career but never paused to ask herself what she wanted. Every decision had been about what others needed from her. She wasn’t just burned out—she was disconnected from her own voice. Through our coaching, she realized she’d been filtering every choice through the lens of proving instead of trusting.

So we made a new agreement: Trust yourself first. Make decisions as if you already belonged in the room. And act like the woman you want your daughter—or your younger self—to look up to.

The results weren’t instant, but they were real. She stopped saying yes to projects that drained her. She spoke up when things didn’t align. She started noticing the joy she’d stopped looking for. And she said something I’ll never forget: “I didn’t change who I was. I just finally started seeing her clearly.”

That’s what this work is about.

So how do you start?

Start by noticing. Pay attention to the moments you beat yourself up. Ask: would I say this to someone I care about?

Then, rewrite the story. Acknowledge the feeling—and offer yourself the same support you give to everyone else.

Practice asking for what you need. Not just what’s acceptable. What you truly need. At work. At home. In your life.

Celebrate your wins—especially the small ones. They are proof of your growth, your courage, and your worth.

And surround yourself with people who reflect your brilliance back to you when you forget. Coaching, community, and conversation matter more than ever when you’re rewriting decades of internalized narratives.

• You are not behind. You’re becoming.

• You are not broken. You are evolving.

• You are not the problem. You are the answer.

If you’re waiting to feel “ready” to step into your power, here’s the truth: readiness doesn’t come first. Worthiness isn’t earned through overwork. You don’t become “enough” when

everyone else says so.

You already are.

It’s time to treat yourself accordingly.

If this message resonates, it’s because you already know it’s true—you just needed someone to say it out loud.

So here I am, saying it. And reminding you: this is your moment to step into a new chapter—with compassion, with clarity, and with the unapologetic truth that you’re already whole.

Ready to show up like you believe it?